Seven Years Later….

I still miss my mom. At 3:15 pm, on August 9th, 2011, my mom took her last breath.

I probably should have a better way to cope with this day, which trust me, I am doing great compared to the first few years. But I hate that this day looms over me. We celebrate her life on her birthday and on Mother’s Day, but on this day, I don’t know what to do really.

This is the time of year where we are all getting back to school. Today was our convocation for the district. Went to lunch with my bestie, then worked on my classroom for a few hours. Got home and continued my normal duties.

I didn’t really talk about it. I mentioned it a few times but I never got to share what was really on my heart. Like how I stare at her picture and look real close at her soft cheeks trying to remember her little peach fuzz. She had the softest skin! And her smell, I wish I could have bottled it up forever. Her hair, I want to feel how coarse it was just one more time. Her skinny eyebrows because she could never get them to match and then oops, they were gone. Her crooked fingers that I now have. Her weathered hands from working hard. The crinkles near her eyes when she smiled. Her crooked tooth that never dimmed her beauty. Her laugh. Her silly face when she was ornery. The way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was frustrated and couldn’t think of the words to say. Her fluffy ponytail holders on her wrists at all times. Her 80s Reebok high tops with the Velcro strips that she had to get at a certain store well into the 2000’s. Her bangs. Her love for dogs. Her understanding of people. Her love for me.

She was my number one fan; my biggest cheerleader. She was my best friend. There are so many moments where I need to call her and ask for advice because I am scared I am ruining my kids. Or I want to call her up and invite her over for dinner. It’s been SEVEN YEARS. I am not even the same person I was when she was alive. It’s been so long. Too long.

I don’t cry as much as I used to but there is always an empty space where she once was. And if I don’t make myself remember I’m scared I will lose her forever. Take some time to remember those who have gone so that you too may never forget.

Love.