Raising Kind Kids

It might be the teacher in me or it might just be my personality, but I am always trying to teach my kids to be kind. I hate it when my three kids argue with one another. I always stop them and give them the words they are lacking so they can get along better. I wasn’t raised with my three older sisters; they fought but we didn’t. So I guess I don’t understand why my kids hate each other sometimes. I LOVE my sisters so much and couldn’t imagine life without them.

Not only do I want my kids to be kind to one another but I want them to see the needs of others and react by helping. If I’m doing the dishes, ask to help. If my husband is mowing the lawn, ask to help. Why is that so hard?

Research shows that kids up until the age of 13 are very egocentric, but does that mean I can’t teach them to think of other people before themselves? I guess knowing this piece of research should help me be more patient in this matter and in fact, it does, a little. But I still get so heart broken when my kids choose to worry about themselves over helping the family or doing something they hate because someone else may really enjoy it. I don’t always want to sit on the floor and play barbies but my daughter really loves it so I do it. I don’t always want to sit in the sun while my son plays flag football sweating my balls off but I do it because he grins from ear to ear to see me watching him. It’s called sacrifice my friends. But how on earth do I teach that to my egocentric children?

I know that I need to model. And boy do I model. I help people getting into their car with bulky items. I grab carts on the way from others who have their hands full. I help the homeless. I volunteer. And I sacrifice at home. But that doesn’t seem to be enough.

This is coming from a conversation with my middle son. He seems to really have a hard time understanding someone else’s point of view and how their opinion and thoughts matter. So I may have had a long 30 minute conversation with them. I know, I know. Parenting experts say that we shouldn’t “lecture” our children, but my goodness sometimes it is so needed. So I tell him all about thinking of others but he continues to argue with me over and over about himself and how unfair it is that he had to play a video game he didn’t want to play with a friend who was staying the night. I’m sorry? He felt “owed” to play a game that he wanted to after the friend left instead of mowing the yard because he played a game his friend wanted.

Deep breath inserted here.

So we talk and we talk and we talk until I realize that we are going in circles and nothing is getting through like I thought it would, so I leave and finish dinner. He comes in right as I am getting ready to put it on the table and does he ask if he can help? Nope. Even though I gave specific examples of maybe pitching in when I’m doing dinner. Sigh…….

Guys, parenting is hard. And I think it’s harder parenting older children that I didn’t get to raise from birth. Just saying. They come with their own ideologies of life and I am standing on my head trying to find ways to teach them.

I know we should just be patient and wait. Time is of the essence here. But it’s laborious and hard.

Thanks for reading…

Love, Hot Mess Mom