Summer Vacations

I’ve never really been the mom to plan a big or even small, summer vacation. When I was a little girl, my single father, took me to a small resort on Bull Shoals Lake on the border of Missouri and Arkansas. He saved all year. He wanted to take his little girl fishing and show her the beauty of the lake.

Here’s what I remember:

Arguing

Crying

I was a bit of a nightmare…only child syndrome coupled with teenage hormones and angst. My poor father.

The very last time we went was the summer before my Freshman year of high school…I think. I was a pistol. My dad had just lost his father and divorced his wife in one year. I also had a scary appendix emergency all in the same year. It was a terrible time.

And I was a bitch.

I didn’t want to go on the water and fish with my dad. I wanted to swim in the pool and layout on the picnic table (which is funny because I am very Irish and pale as a ghost).

My dad needed that trip and I was a total bear the whole time.

Maybe that’s why I am a little apprehensive about the trip that I have painstakingly planned since I set my eyes on the beach. My beautiful daughter has made a home for herself in that gorgeous place and that makes it feel like home to me too. I want my husband to feel the same way when he sees it.

In March, I took my niece to see her cousin in Florida. It also happened to be my niece’s birthday so it became a birthday trip of a lifetime. We were laid back and carefree with my daughter and her spunky girlfriend, who reminds me of me. We had many laughs and experiences that have stayed with me since that trip.

I CANNOT WAIT to show my husband and daughter and great-nephews what an amazing place our sweet girl lives. What an amazing life she is making for herself. No matter how hard it is. But honestly, I think I would rather struggle through life in a beautiful place than not. You?

My anxiety about this trip is pretty high at the moment. Will I think of everything? No. But am I trying to think of everything? Yes. And that’s where I’m falling apart.

I am taking my 13-year-old daughter and putting her in a car with 6 other people and a dog for 18+ hours. I’m just going to let that sit there for a minute. This poor girl. I am buying her earplugs so she can tune us out if needed, headphones for music, snacks, and lots of activities that I’ll throw in the back every once in a while throughout the drive.

But I am already prepared for the wrath of a teenager as her patience will be tried. I remember what that was like for me on my last trip with my dad. I know I am being a little negative here, but I always have to have a plan B just in case. And why is that?????

I guess I just want everyone to have as much fun as I’m going to have. And if I think of everything, maybe that will do the trick.

Probably not, so I’ll pass on what my sweet therapist told me…

You are NOT responsible for everyone’s happiness on this trip. Only your own. It is THEIR choice whether they have a good time or not.

My Therapist

Was my dad cranky because I didn’t want to go fishing with him or cruise on the lake in the boat? (What was I thinking??? That sounds like so much fun!) Yes, he was. I bet that stole all of the enjoyment for him. In fact, I know it did because we left early.

But I am not going to let anyone else’s lack of enjoyment ruin my day. You don’t want to go to the lighthouse? No worries. You don’t want to go to the beach? No worries. You don’t want to walk Flagler Ave and shop? No problem. Just please don’t be mad later about it.

I haven’t been on social media much in the last few years because I didn’t know what to post or say. Our family has been through the wringer. I didn’t want to post our pain when it appears that social media is used to show how happy everyone is. Plus, who wants to scroll and see struggle after struggle?

Therefore, this trip means everything to me. It’s a way for us to laugh together. Cry together (happy tears, I hope). Make memories together that will stick around in a good way.

I hope during your summer vacations, you take a minute to relax and enjoy all the hard work and preparation put into trying to make sure everyone has a good time. But ultimately, it’s up to them whether or not they have a good time, not you.

Love, jes