Shamelessly raises hand in the back, I did that.
Being that I have never bought a house before, I literally had no idea what to expect. Our realtor and lender were phenomenal in making sure that everything went smoothly. Honestly, my husband and I never thought we would ever be able to afford a house like the one we bought. But it happened.
Looking back at the start of the journey. There were several heated debates on what to do; buy the house we were currently living in, which was his mom’s house, or buy a new house? He had a really great idea: buy his mom’s house and fix it up to be our dream home. That was a hard no for me. The work to fix it up frightened me. I pictured us living out of boxes and eating off paper plates in a kitchen that was stripped down to the base boards. No thank you! The reason our busy life works is because of the routine. I was scared what would happen to that routine if there was constant construction.
So, we kept looking for our dream home. I had this laid-back-easy-going attitude. “We’ll find the perfect house. It’s just not on the market yet.” In the meantime, my husband wore paths in the carpet, pondering if we were making the right decision. After a couple failed offers, we were really questioning our decision. Our house was old and worn in but it was comfortable. We could make it work another year and wait for the market to change.
But our fearless realtor made sure we kept moving forward. She knew the reward at the end even if we had no idea what to expect. She encouraged us the whole time.
Isn’t this what God does? He knows the end and encourages us all along the way.
I remained strong in my faith with my laid-back attitude knowing that it was all under control. Everything was going to work out. Every time something came up, which does when buying a house, I would just pray and say, “it’s going to work out. It always does.”
And it did, every time.
Despite my strong faith, I sort of went on auto-pilot for awhile. Honestly, I still am. Things are still out of sorts. That fear I had of living out of boxes and eating off paper plates while my world turned upside down happened. (No offense to anyone that uses paper plates all the time, whatever floats your boat. I simply have to because I can’t seem to care about the dishes at the moment.) (My daughter would pipe up and say, “That’s depression.” Thanks, dear. 🙂
And all of this a week before Christmas.
My husband, son, brother-in-law, and I worked every day and then met at the old house around four and began to load the box truck my husband was able to use. While this seems absurd, especially since we did this six days in a row, I can count five blessings in this sentence alone. Every night we fell into our messy upside down world and every morning we woke up in it. We couldn’t find toothbrushes, toothpaste, clothes, shoes, coffee pods, coffee cups, forks, spoons, etc. The list is extremely long. And somewhere in there we had to keep track of Christmas. Christmas tree, decorations, and gifts already purchased had to be stored somewhere in the garage or living room so that we did not lose them.
Oh But we did lose them. Not ALL of them but two whole gifts; gone. That just means, come July when I find them, it will be Christmas in July! So corny but honestly true in my case.
While I suffer from ADHD and anxiety and depression and am a royal hot mess; it seems to be much worse lately. Can’t really help it. I love harder than I should and care even more than that. All the while moving and trying to have a Christmas my family needs.
It’s Monday. I made it to the other side and I am pleased. I even managed to make it to Christmas Eve service with my daughter and niece. It was perfect.
Guys, I try. I try so damn hard. I care, I love, and I try; every day. Every day. Don’t give up. You will make it through to the other side.
Stay positive. Stay kind.
Love, Jes
true life hot mess mom 