Something is changing…

…in me.

I’m not quite sure how to describe it. I’m in a weird season…oh wait. You know what it is? I think I’m starting to actually feel like an adult now. I know,  I know, it’s weird. I’m kind of a whirlwind of a person. I’m extremely carefree and spontaneous driving all the type A people in my circle bonkers. But lately… lately, things have been changing.

The roles I have played in my community, I’ve outgrown. I feel a sense of growth from these roles but I think it’s time for someone else to take the torch and run. I have been a youth leader for six or seven years, maybe five, I can’t remember and I’ve recently stepped down. It was the hardest decision I’ve made in a long time. Every Wednesday, I have gone to church to worship and learn more about God with some truly special teenagers. I have witnessed the love of God mold and shape the character of these teens into fine adults. It has been one of my favorite journies in my life so far. But it’s time. It’s time to let someone younger than me (yes, younger than me) have their turn shaping and molding tomorrow’s adults. I have teens of my own now and want someone to pour into them the way I poured into others. They don’t need their mom as their youth leader. How embarrassing! Though Hannah had me as her youth leader for three to four years, and I guess she didn’t mind too much. But that’s not the point. It’s just time.

I also feel a sense of change in my journey with my relationship with God. For a decade I studied the Bible deeply soaking in every word and immediately applying it to my life. I have changed the way I think about the world through a new lens and I see so much potential in people. I am huge on character development because that’s all we get to take to heaven with us. Anyway, since I’ve been using the Bible to transform my life, I feel it’s time to use the Bible for something else. Does that even make sense?

I talked to my dad about this in length the other night. He too has been on this same journey. When he was in his mid-twenties he also led a youth group and taught Sunday school. It was his purpose at that time. After a few years, he knew it was time for him to step down. He now is an active member in his church but reads the Bible differently than he used to. It’s hard to explain and I’m still walking this new journey so I guess I don’t really have any solid answers. But I feel moved. Moved to change. Moved to change churches, moved to change how I read the Bible, moved to change… I don’t know what else.

Everyone has a purpose in life, whether you believe in God or not. I truly believe that our purposes also change as we change and grow because of our journey. While I am still the same ole goofy Jessie, I am much different than I was ten years ago. My journey has led me to lead youth group, teach Sunday school, organize and plan lung cancer walks for four years, adopt three beautiful children from foster care, become a teacher, get married, become a best friend, adopt a couple dogs, bring my mom to Jesus, mentor countless youth, step up as a step-mom, and so much more that God has used me to do.

I’m going to turn 33 next month and I’m becoming the age I remember my parents being. When I think of the first time I realized how old my mom was, it was her early to mid-thirties. And now here I am. Getting old sucks, but the introspective changes that occur as we age are truly inspiring.

Here is to the many new changes that will come my way. I just pray I am patient with it because with change comes a little pain.

Where is your journey taking you?